It has been TOO long!!!
After the last post, my semester became amazing! I found friends who loved me for who I am and not what they wanted me to become. And they aren't fake towards me and they tell me things and don't keep their feelings hidden. It is amazing to finally have friends like that!!! I'm glad I have had a chance to experience what real friendship feels like. I have had some really trying times this semester and they have all taught me things. It is just a wonderful feeling to know that there really are people out there who care. Most people my age are so self-absorbed and do not care if another person is having a bad day or bad year. People, we gotta start caring about other people or what happened at Virginia Tech on Monday will start happening more often because people do not know how to handle their feelings or they may not have anyone to talk to about situations in their lives. Don't be pushy but just let other people know you care about them...it's not about you, it's about God and other people.
Graduation is actually going to happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For awhile there, I had an F in biology and wasn't sure if I could pull it up but I did! Graduation is in 22 days!!!!! I am living in Searcy until December because a lot of my friends are not graduating until then and I want to stay around to hang out with them and be here for their graduation. After that, I will move home or whereever I may happen to find a job.
Potentially Dangerous Situation
How do you ask a friend for help when you really need it and not make it sound like a selfish thing? Honestly, I'm on such a low (have been for a while) that I am a danger to myself. HELP! I need you not to be judgmental...just help me and realize that I need to talk and cry and I don't need any advice...just the help of a friend. I hope someone has the time to help.
Something on my Heart
This is something I wrote in my real journal today and for whoever reads this, this is who I am and a constant battle that I struggle with on a daily basis. The only need I have is to be wanted...to feel wanted. Many days, I feel like I am just walking around with no purpose to my life and that no one really cares about who I am. Don't tell me that Satan is getting in my head. It's not Satan! It's how people make me feel. I wonder whether or not people really mean what they say to me. So many lies have been uttered in my directions. I feel like God is trying to change my feelings by throwing certain people in my life...and they disappear faster than they came. What happened? Why can't I keep friendship?
God taught me many important lessons last semester. One of those being that the little things people do to you don't matter. But, little things said can mean the world. Little things don't matter and matter a whole lot! Another lesson, be positive regardless of the circumstances. It is a hard thing for me but I'm trying friends, I honestly am and I wish that you could see that.
God helped me find out a little more about myself. I know now that I want to help people for the rest of my life. I don't know in what profession that may be but that is being left up to God to decide.
People make me feel like that I am the only person who struggles with things. I know that is not true but I have yet to find that one person that I can share things with and they won't judge me for struggling. I'm praying for that person and I'm asking you to please pray for that person as well.
Love you!
School and Good News
After being gone for a semester, I'm having to completely re-adjust to school. Good news came in the form of an approval to graduate on May 12. I cannot wait!!! I'm ready to be done!
I'm going to try and make this semester good! It's my last semester and it's the first semester that I haven't worked so I want it to be good.
Right now, I'm a mood because friends are acting weird. Is it really so hard to answer a question? Why is it necessary to be fake? That is a question that will always and forever be on my mind.
Regrets
My only desire for this past semester before going was to get over what people have done to me in the past and not have any regrets. Well, that didn't quite work the way I intended but I guess that was God interfering. I have a huge regret from the past semester and it's all my fault. No one else can be blamed for it. I'm not going to sit here and try to explain it to you. Just ask if you really want to know. It just upsets me that I acted like a child for 1/2 the time I was at HUF.
So GOOD!!!
I am finally home!!!!! After an incredible 3 1/2 months in Europe, it feels so good to be home! The plane ride was very eventful. It included throwing up and being sick for 7 hours of the 9 hour flight and then getting escorted off the plane by paramedics. It was not very much fun but I survived and felt so much better by the time I got home!
The List Continues
I cried 2 weeks ago when looking at some pictures of HUF family.
I cried yesterday walking towards the Rome airport knowing that this really is ending soon.
I cried today while writing in my journal about our last Sunday at the villa.
My photographer friend emailed me today and asked my assistance in one of her shoots on Wednesday. I was thinking only helping her with equipment like I did this summer. Nope, I actually get to take the pictures this time around. I'm so excited yet so nervous! I can't wait though! This is seriously going to help me out so much.
